Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Spontaneity or Lack Thereof



Today, I am out of my element--- I just feel like horrible clockwork. I thought in fragments just as though my entire thought process went down the drain. This fact isn't at all noticeable to onlookers. A friend even told me that I did really well handling work duties. According to him, it was "automatic," proof enough of how I've learned so much in the past few months. It's a bit hard to believe, really. If he thinks it's automatic or effortless, I'd say that I'm just on autopilot, which is very bad. I can't help but feel a tad moody and disjointed.


What bothers me then? There must be something (What?!). Perhaps it's my awareness of what I've neglected for the past week: my illustrations, flats, home life, motherhood, etcetera, etcetera. Plus there are other things I must attend to like writing articles and work-related stuff. Maybe I've been in denial about my plate being full ("I can do it aaaaall!"). (There are other things too which I won't dare discuss here.) The consequence of this is restlessness and the inability to be spontaneous. The whole thing just makes me want to disappear again. I am suffering from a severe sense of wanderlust all over again. I want to escape.  


Well… I have the weekend to get things straight. My personal assignment is to stay true to my center and to find my true north.


(Take a closer look, girl. Don't turn the other way.)




A truth to be faced: You are a hermit and you like it.




Dominant words of the day: "nebulous," "disjointed," and "can't".

Punctuation mark of the day: the interrobang (?!)




Gah. Blergh. Argh. Expletitives, expletitives!


V. (________)


1.)    Work with

2.)    Rest with

3.)    Dream with




Oh clarity, show yourself. I implore you.


(September 18, 2010)


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