:-)

I.

 

Tonight (I write the saddest lines? Hehe. Gee, how I crack myself up!), I have no idea as to what I want to write about. There are many thoughts in my head, but bringing them out into the world prematurely will just make them sound like fluff. But then again, let me try to pin down these thoughts for posterity's sake. Lest I forget. I know I am forgetful and one of my life projects is to remember what I can the best way possible. A personal history is needed--- how else will one keep learning?

 

These days, I've somewhat removed myself from solitary confinement. While I see myself mainly as the mother of my child, I am now welcoming the idea of going out into the world.* Everyone gets to live only once. How does one learn if horizon expansion is limited? So here I am, ready for whatever type of exposure.

 

It makes me feel guilty though. More time out in the world means less time with my daughter. Unfortunately, I'm not that good at balancing things just yet. Although I am steadily learning, a voice at the back of my mind sometimes questions if what I am doing is wrong (Notes: self-sacrifice, self-effacement= outdated upbringing).

 

This may sound like a rationalization, but I do think that I need to be a well-rounded person in order to be a good mother. Hence, I'm not doing so bad at all even though I spend less time with my child. It's more of the quality of the time I spend with her. If I keep on remembering my center, my purpose, I'd be able to be really present with her in order to fill her---what do you call that?--- developmental needs.

 

  

Now, let's get back to going out into the world. There's so much world outside the door and I sometimes don't know where to start (Who does anyway?). I'm just keeping myself pleasantly surprised and grateful for even the littlest of things I learn.

 

I love life. Which is amazing because I used to think otherwise.

 

* Recurring issues much?

 

II.

 

Oh, Your sense of humor really hits the spot. What do You want me to see this time? I need discernment!

 

It's great that You always answer. You know my heart better than I know it.

 

 

III.

 

I am very thankful for my job and the people I work with. It feels like home. (On most days at least.)

 

IV.

 

Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold.

 - A Japanese folksong

 

(September 15, 2010)