A Few Thoughts Before Sleeping (and forgetting)

I.

 

I know Somebody up there loves me.  How else will I get to where I am without becoming an embittered person? The thing is, the weight of responsibility still takes a toll on my back and I can't help but feel it in my bones. Let's use another metaphor, shall we? Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in the ocean, tired but very determined to survive. My muscles are tense and my energy is slowly dissipating; if choose to, I can be carried away by the waves.

 

My mind has been preoccupied by thoughts of the practical. "I should make more money." "What other sources of income can I tap into?" "What will I do with my fashion career?" "When can I upgrade my lifestyle?" "When can I get a car?" "I need a house or my own place." "I need to make sure that my daughter has the best education." I guess these worries are typical for any struggling parent and professional.

 

It gets disheartening sometimes, to be honest. What keeps me going is the promise for those who are patient and have pure intentions. Seed-sowing.

 

II.

 

Now that my beer goggles are off, I can see that you are too juvenile for my taste. You're just a boy and I am a woman. What was I thinking? Oh, wait. Four years ago, I wasn't thinking at all. Good riddance. I'm so glad to be free of you. I am not as patient as I thought I was or better yet, you do not deserve to be treated patiently as of this moment. What you need is tough love a.k.a. a strong whack in the head. 

 

III.

 

I am coming to terms with my inner bitch. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not that sweet after all. I've got claws and sharp teeth to use if I have to.

 

IV.

 

I'm thirsty for new discoveries and I hate monotony. Structure is a different story; it doesn't have to be monotonous, but I appreciate its predictability. It's everyone's safety handrail in this topsy-turvy world.

 

 

 

(September 12, 2010)